Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
