i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
