rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
