after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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