Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
