I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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