Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
