Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
