Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
