I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
