Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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