"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
