Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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