I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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