i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's great music for shaving your balls
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
