And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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