I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
