your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
