Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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