I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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