Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
