Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
