my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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