It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
