so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
