And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
