did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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