I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Randomize
