You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
