all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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