My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
