She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
