I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
