Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
