He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
