uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
