we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
