Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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