She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
