Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
