Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
