and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
