Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
