I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
