smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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