her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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