I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
