I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
