hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
