Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
