# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
