Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
