my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
