just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
