fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will be naked everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
