There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
