on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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