Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
